


Goodbye, Lisanna

by musical_writer



Series: Fairy Tail Ships [1]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Character Death, Drinking, F/M, Unhappy Ending, Writer Lisanna
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 12:40:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7222729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musical_writer/pseuds/musical_writer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Become a writer when the guy you had a crush on since forever invites you to his wedding and doesn't remember any kind of spark you had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye, Lisanna

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even ship this what.

Of course she should have known it was going to end like this. She should've known that he'd forget. That he'd fall in love with someone else, that he'd completely leave her alone. She was stupid, she was stupid for ever believing he had changed.  
Her actions made her the person she was today. Her actions caused this. It was her fault entirely. It was all her fault. If she hadn't been so stupid, maybe it would've been different.  
~  
She was sixteen when she left. With no parents, Lisanna had been forced to move across the country to live with their sister. A year earlier, Mira had left, having gotten into Harvard. In order to go to school, Mira had to move. Now, with no other relatives to go to, Lisanna was stuck living with Mira. Mira wasn't a bad person, but Mira hadn't expected to have to house her sister.  
Lisanna shared a room with Mira. Her roommate, Erza, also stayed with them. Lisanna felt bad, just showing up on Mira's doorstep asking for a place to live. But she'd had nowhere else to go. It was either Mira or a foster home. Mira said she didn't mind, but Erza was a different story. It was like Erza didn't even stay in the apartment anymore. Mira said she was just hanging out with Jellal, but Lisanna knew it was to get away from her. Lisanna was a thorn in both their sides. She had no place there, she should've just gone to a foster home. At least then, she'd have gotten to stay in her hometown instead of leaving everyone she knew and loved.  
Natsu, Gray, Cana, she missed them. She missed Natsu the most. Lisanna had been crushing on him since seventh grade, but they'd been friends since eighth. Both of them had started to grow closer, they'd almost kissed once. And the rumour that had been around just before she left was that Natsu was going to ask her out at the end of the week. She'd heard Natsu clarify it himself.  
But then the accident happened. It was Lisanna's fault. She distracted her parents, she asked the stupid question that got three members of her family killed. Her parents and her brother were lost that night. Lisanna had found herself in the hospital for three days, but no one was allowed to visit unless they were family. Mira had been notified, but there was no way she could've gotten to Fiore. Too many flights were filled, there was no way to get there in less than a day.  
They sent her to Mira as soon as she was permitted to leave the hospital. She was allowed to take her keepsakes, pictures and such, but she never got to say goodbye. She never got to say goodbye to Natsu, or any of her friends.  
When she moved, no one contacted her. She hadn't expected anyone to call, except for maybe Natsu. But she got no calls, no text. She just received silence.  
Lisanna had trouble making friends for the first month or two at her new school. It was a large public school of around five hundred kids per grade, sixth through twelfth. Then she was approached by a group of kids. They reminded her of her old friends, though a bit more dull. It was hard to describe, but sometimes Lisanna felt as if she were still with her old friends, as if she would go home to her parents and her brother, as if she still lived her own life.  
Sorano and Yukino were the fashion twins of the group. Rogue and Rufus were the quiet nerds, Sting was the loud leader. He reminded Lisanna of Natsu, but she knew no one would ever replace Natsu. Minerva was the one who kept the group together. She solved the conflicts, she kept the drama away and she kept Sting from always making a fool of himself. Sometimes they hung out with two other boys, Macbeth and Erik.  
Lisanna thought they were nice enough, but she found it funny how they looked completely goth and punk, but they weren't. Erik had ear piercings and a lip one, while Macbeth had snake bites and five earrings in one ear. Erik wore no makeup, but Macbeth always had plum colored lips and dark eyeliner. The main thing, they were dating.  
Lisanna had nothing against homosexuals, but she thought their relationship was cute. Two goth kids in a relationship was cute overall. Lisanna was actually starting to suspect Rogue and Sting had a thing for each other. Rogue always blushed when Sting would whisper something to him, and Lisanna always resisted the urge to slam their heads together screaming, 'Now kiss!'  
Lisanna was happy. They were great people, she had a lot of fun with them. They'd go to horror movies and throw popcorn at strangers to spook them or piss them off, they'd go to laser tag and they'd go bowling and shopping. They did all kind of fun things together.  
Despite how happy she was with them, she always went back to Natsu, to her old life. It was like she just couldn't forget them. Natsu's cute and mischievous smile never left her mind. Gray's habit of walking around without a shirt always made her laugh. Cana's fortunes and her drinking habits always made Lisanna shake her head at Cana's addiction. Levy's obsession with books, Juvia's great personality, Gajeel in denial about liking Levy, it was always enough to make her smile.She missed them.  
Lisanna was going to UIF, University of Ishgar, Fiore. Two months, in two months she would graduate and leave for Fiore. She was excited to go back and see her friends. She'd texted them over the years, but she rarely ever got replies. Lisanna figured they were really busy, or they could've gotten new phones. That's why she was excited to go there for herself.  
Finally, she would see them. She'd be truly happy again.  
~  
With Mira's help, Lisanna had managed to find an apartment by the campus. It was small, two bedrooms, a small living area and a kitchen. It was a cozy little apartment, and Lisanna really liked it. It was within walking distance from the university, which was a plus. Mira had decided to stay with Lisanna for a few weeks to make sure she was happy there. Lisanna had said Mira was free to leave, in a kind way of course, but Mira really wanted Lisanna to be happy.  
So there they were, walking through a shop for groceries. Lisanna and Mira made small talk, but other than that it was silent. It may have been weird, but Lisanna was kind of hoping she'd run into someone she knew.  
While Mira went to the refrigerated areas, Lisanna grabbed a basket, going towards canned and non-perishable items.  
"Lisanna?"  
She jumped, turning to face the voice. She was surprised when she saw Levy and Gajeel. Levy rushed to her, stopping just a few feet away from her. Levy looked up at her before wrapping her arms around the white haired girl.  
"Lisanna!" she said again. "What are you doing here?" Levy pulled away.  
"I'm going to UIF," Lisanna answered. "I decided to come back to Fiore. But how have you been?"  
"I'm doing great!" Levy answered. "You're doing fine? Oh gosh, it's been forever! Why didn't you ever call?"  
"I tried calling a few people," Lisanna told her. "But I never got a lot of answers."  
"Well," Levy started, glancing at her watch. "Gajeel and I have to run. Where do you live?"  
Lisanna told her the area and asked, "Why?"  
"Wear something casual but fancy, I'll be by to pick you up at eight," Levy said. "There's a party, and everyone is going to be there. I think you should come. You'll be my plus one." She shimmied closer. "Natsu will be there."  
"I don't like Natsu," Lisanna said. It was half lie half true. She did like Natsu and she missed him more than anything, but at the same time she was pissed at him. She'd called him quite a few times, she'd tried his social medias to try to contact him but he never got any of them, or he got them but he just didn't respond.  
"He's still going to be there," Levy said. "See you later!"  
~  
Jeans, shiny white high tops, a red plaid shirt. This was fancy enough. What else was she supposed to wear? She wasn't going to wear a dress or a skirt, mainly because she had none, but also because she just hated skirts overall.  
There was a knock on the door that caused Lisanna to jump. Quickly, she opened a door, a smile on her face.  
"Hey, Levy!" Lisanna greeted. "I like your dress."  
"Your outfit's pretty cute too," Levy said. "Are you ready? Gajeel's in the car, and we're stopping to pick up another one of my friends. Let's go!" Lisanna took the back seat, Levy and Gajeel sitting in the front.  
"So, who are you picking up?" Lisanna asked. "Do I know them?"  
"Yeah, we're picking up Gray and Juvia," Levy replied. "Juvia had a heart attack when I told her you were back in town."  
"Are they a thing?" Lisanna asked. She was hoping they weren't mainly because she'd wanted Gray and Lyon to be together. Lyon had told her he'd like Gray, and Gray had told her how he felt about Lyon. But Juvia had always loved them both, so any of the relationships made sense.  
"No," Levy said. "By the way, I've only told Gray and Juvia you were back, I want to surprise everyone else. I'm sure Natsu will be really happy to see you."  
"Yeah," Lisanna said, not knowing what else to do but agree. It was silent, except for Taylor Swift playing quietly on the radio. Soon, Gajeel came to a stop. Levy sped out of the car, knocking on the door. Juvia was in the car with her arms around Lisanna in two seconds, telling her how she missed her. Gray was slower getting to the car, preferring to take his time. He patted Lisanna's shoulder, saying, "Welcome back, Strauss."  
Soon, they came to a big house. Lisanna could swear the house was shaking, that's how loud the music was. There were people on the front lawn, making their way around to the backyard. Lisanna had second thoughts, considering there was alcohol, but she expected it. She was just going to stay away from the alcohol and any drugs.  
Lisanna turned to ask Gray something, but he was out of the car. She scanned the area, and found Gray holding hands with a certain white haired male. She smiled. They were a thing. Gajeel was gone, while Levy and Juvia stayed with her. Levy led the way, keeping Lisanna's wrist in her grip while Lisanna held onto Juvia. After making it upstairs, where it was less crowded, she stopped.  
"Natsu!" she shouted. Lisanna followed her gaze, trying not to make it obvious how happy she was. Natsu had his back turned to them, but as soon as he heard his name he turned around.  
"Hey, Levy," Natsu greeted, coming over to her. "What's up?"  
"Surprise!" Levy exclaimed, pushing Lisanna in front of her. "Guess who's back?"  
Natsu's smile went from his face, his eyes widening. Lisanna hadn't been smiling widely, but she stopped smiling when she saw Natsu's face. It was hard to pin one emotion. Was he sad? Happy? It was hard to tell. Lisanna was starting to think he was unhappy to see her, but then he threw his arms around her, resting his head on her shoulder. His body shook, and Lisanna felt her eyes tear up.  
Lisanna hugged him back, and for a second all the noise canceled out. It was like the world was just them hugging, them reuniting. Two years, and she finally sees him again.  
Natsu pulled away, keeping his hands on his shoulder. Levy and Juvia had taken off, leaving the two alone.  
"When did you get back?" Natsu asked. His eyes were shiny, as if he had been crying. "Why didn't you text or call anyone?"  
"No one ever replied," Lisanna muttered, looking down. "I guess a lot of people changed their numbers."  
"Yeah," Natsu said, nodding. He dropped his hands. "I'm glad your back. You going to UIF?"  
"Yep," Lisanna replied. "Who's party is this?"  
"A friend of mine," Natsu answered. "Her name's Lucy."  
"Hey, Natsu!" someone said. A brown eyed girl came up behind Natsu, two drinks in hand. She gave one to Natsu, then turned to Lisanna. "Hello! I'm Lucy." She held out a hand. Lisanna gripped her hand and shook, smiling softly.  
"I'm Lisanna," she said. "This is your party? I'm sorry for showing up uninvited, but my friend told me it would be okay with you."  
"Yeah, it's fine!" Lucy said. "Everyone from school showed up. Plus, I think I've heard of you. You moved a couple years back, right?" Lisanna nodded. "Well, I'm glad to finally meet you."  
"Yeah, Lisanna," Natsu started. "I have to go, I'll see you around yeah?" Lisanna nodded.  
"See you," she said as he walked off.  
Levy and Gajeel went missing during the party, leaving Lisanna, Juvia and Gray to find their own way home. Gray was going home with Lyon, and Lyon offered to drive Juvia and Lisanna to their homes. He dropped Lisanna off first, then drove off with a wave. She hadn't had much social interaction the party, but she was unbelievably happy about seeing Natsu again. She really hoped to see him around campus, maybe hang out with him. Maybe something more.  
~  
Lisanna was an idiot. She should have known. Two years, did she really expect him to still like her?  
What had she expected? Had she expected him to welcome her home with hugs and kisses? Had she really expected him to ask her out? It was stupid to think that. Of course he wouldn't still like her. Just like everyone else, he would just leave her alone.  
She should have expected him to be with someone else. Why would he keep his mind on a girl he hadn't seen in two years?  
It still hurt. It shouldn't have hurt. Lisanna should have just stopped thinking about it, about him. It would've made her life so much easier. She regretted even going back to Fiore. She should have just stayed in California, gone to Harvard with Sting and Rogue and Minerva, been happy. She could have found someone else, she could have stayed with her friends and had a good life. A happy and fun life. Over those two years, she felt like she knew them better than she knew her older friends. She felt like they were better friends.  
After finishing her first year at UIF, Lisanna moved. She'd thought it would be fun, being back with her old friends. It wasn't. So she moved back across the country. Erza had moved out, which meant Mira needed someone to help with the rent. Lisanna stepped in, moving back in with her sister.  
Rogue and the rest of them were happy she was back. She'd confided in Yukino and Minerva with why she moved back, choosing to tell the others she just wanted to move back with her sister. Somehow, she felt like she was more at home with them, like she had a place with them. It was weird. She just felt like it was weird how she felt more in place with people she'd known for two years than with the people she'd been friends with since grade school.  
"Hey, Lisanna!" Sting shouted. "How's it going?"  
"Fine," Lisanna replied. "What about you? Is Rogue still mad at you?"  
"Everyone is mad at Sting," Rogue said, catching up to them.  
"You weren't mad at me last night," Sting said casually, making Rogue blush. Lisanna laughed, knowing exactly what Sting meant.  
"I can't believe I only have three months left before I'm done with this place," Sting said, throwing his hands behind his head. "No more lectures and I'm off to study blood, fluid, and tissue samples."  
"I can't believe you actually decided to be a pathologist, Sting," Lisanna said. "I thought Rogue would do something scientific, not you."  
"I didn't know what else to do," Sting said. "But they had a medical program so why not?"  
"I am doing something scientific," Rogue said. "You're going off to become a writer."  
"No, I'm going to study microbiology," Lisanna said. "I'm going to write part time."  
The trio walked towards the cafeteria where the rest of their friends were. To celebrate being three months away from finishing their fourth year of college, they threw money together to rent a cabin up in the mountains. They were staying for five days, and they were definitely going to go skiing or snowboarding. Lisanna prefered skiing, but a lot of them liked snowboarding. Since they had the whole week off for spring, they were just using that time to drive up to Snowbird and freeze to death.  
~  
Day three at Snowbird. There were a lot of rooms in the cabin, but then again, there were eight people up there. There were six bedrooms, but Rogue and Sting shared a room and Erik and Macbeth did the same thing. Everyone else got their own rooms.  
Lisanna was lonely. It was ten at night, and at these times her thoughts caught up to her. As she laid there in her bed, she thought about him again. It was like she could never forget him, even though she wanted to. This hadn't happened in a while, she hadn't gone through one of these moments in so long. She found herself crying, silently to herself. Her crying turned into muffled sobs as she hid her face in a pillow. Good thing the walls weren't thin.  
Finally, she fell asleep, tears dried on her face.  
~  
Four years later, Lisanna received an invitation. Natsu and Lucy were getting married. She was surprised she got an invitation, but she felt like she had to go. It pained her to even think of Natsu marrying someone, but as his old friend she felt like she should go. Sting offered to go with her, to which she accepted. The last thing Lisanna wanted to do was make it look like she was trying to make Natsu jealous, she just didn't want to attend without one of her closer friends.  
Lisanna's publisher had told her the book she wrote was coming out in a few months, just before Natsu's wedding. She wondered if Natsu would read it. She wondered if any of her old friends would read it. If so, she hoped they wouldn't say anything. Her book was about her experience, how she lost her family and had to move, leave the one she loved. She wrote about how she came back to find him in love with someone else. Her whole experience was turned into a book, told from the point of view of her own made up character. It didn't end the same way. In real life, it ended with Lisanna still happy, still with friends. In the book, her character was completely destroyed.  
At the wedding, Sting attended with her. Lisanna put on a fake smile, but they seemed to fall for it. After the wedding, at Natsu and Lucy's house, Natsu came up to her. Sting had gone off talking to random people, as had Lucy.  
"Hey, Lisanna," Natsu said. "Glad you came."  
"Hello," she said. "Congratulations. I'm really happy you found Lucy. You two make a great couple."  
"Thanks," Natsu said. "I-I finished reading your book last night." He scratched the back of his neck. "I really liked it. You're a great writer."  
"Thanks," Lisanna mumbled.  
"I'm sorry," Natsu whispered. He looked down, as if he might cry. "I know what that book was about. It wasn't about some random girl you thought up. It was about you. And as I was reading it, as I about what you felt when you left, about all those sad moments you faced alone. I feel so terrible. There's nothing I can ever do to make up for my mistakes. And I feel like I made it worse my inviting you. I'm still glad you came, though. I just wish I knew I was hurting you."

Lisanna felt like crying herself. Natsu had figured it out. He knew he was the guy in her book. "I'm fine now," Lisanna mumbled. "I'm sorry you feel bad. It's really not your fault or anything."

"It is," Natsu said. "It's my fault you feel this way. But please, if you ever consider ending like you ended your book, call me. Call someone. Tell them, and they'll help you through it."

"That's just how I ended the book, Natsu," she said. "I'm not going to do anything. I'm happy, I am."

"I'm glad you found Sting," he said. "He seems like a nice guy."

"No, you've got it wrong." She laughed. "Sting's my friend. He's also gay. There's nothing going on between us. He's here because he's like an overprotective brother."

"Lisanna," Natsu said. "I can't tell you how sorry I am. I want to say I would go back in time and make it right, but I can't. Lucy, she's the one I chose to marry. I don't know where I would be if I hadn't met her. As awful as it sounds, she was like a replacement for a few years. And then I fell in love with her. It's just, I wouldn't go back in time to change it. I'm sorry."

"I understand," Lisanna said. "I have to get going. I have a deadline in a week for an outline I haven't even started on. I'll see you, Natsu."  
That night, Lisanna got on a plane home. As soon as she was in her apartment, she let her feelings out. She had no tears to cry, but she had words to write and she had things to destroy. 

She had mistakes to make.

Lisanna opened the bottle of liquor. It wasn't hers, but her roommate told her she could take it if she needed. And she needed it.

The next night, she did cry. She was unstable.

But she still drove. 

Lisanna Strauss died that night, gone the same way as her parents and as her brother. Age twenty seven, she died after crashing.  
Natsu sat in the front at her funeral, eyes on the closed casket. He was crying, he was broken. Everyone else had flown out to attend. Lisanna stood off to the side, under a tree as she watched the funeral. Everyone was crying. There was not a soul there that didn't grieve. They had all been Lisanna's closest friends.

Mira was left alone. She had no more family. She'd lost her only sister the same way she'd lost her parents and brother. And much like when she lost her parents, she never got to say goodbye. No 'I love you' before Lisanna's last moments. No goodbye. Only the goodbye she said as she stood by Lisanna's grave. 

_He never got to say goodbye. Only now, as he knelt by a grave did he tell her. But she doesn't hear him._  
All he can say now are words she won't hear. All he can say is a few words.  
Goodbye, Lisanna. 


End file.
